In this post, I want to share how The Body Keeps the Score weaves in the IFS model, why I think it’s such a powerful approach to trauma, and how I’ve seen it change lives.
When I first read Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, it felt like someone was finally putting words to what I’d sensed in my work for years: trauma doesn’t just live in the mind—it lodges in the body, shapes our nervous system, and fragments our inner world. What stood out to me most was how clearly van der Kolk highlighted Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a way to make sense of those inner fragments—and more importantly, how to begin healing them.
Why IFS Stood Out to Me in Van der Kolk’s Work
Van der Kolk describes how trauma creates internal splits—different parts of us holding different emotions, memories, and coping strategies. Some parts hold the pain (what IFS calls “exiles”), while others work hard to keep that pain out of our awareness—what IFS calls “managers” and “firefighters.”
What I appreciated is that rather than pathologizing these inner voices, IFS offers a compassionate way of understanding them. It doesn’t label your behaviors as broken. Instead, it helps you get curious about the parts of you that have been trying to help in the only way they know how.
Reading van der Kolk’s reflections on this model gave me a clearer framework for something I’d already been doing in my own therapy work: helping people build a relationship with their inner world.
A Quick Breakdown of IFS in Trauma Therapy
IFS sees the mind as made up of different parts—each with its own story, emotion, and strategy for survival. Here’s how van der Kolk and Schwartz (IFS’s founder) break it down:
- Exiles carry painful memories or shame, often from childhood.
- Managers work to keep things under control and prevent anything from triggering the exiles.
- Firefighters jump in to distract or soothe when exiles do get triggered—sometimes through behaviors like bingeing, shutting down, or even explosive anger.
What really struck me is how much this inner system mirrors the lived experience of trauma survivors. So many people I work with have felt confused or ashamed of their reactions—when in reality, their parts are doing exactly what they were shaped to do.
Why IFS Resonated With Me—and My Clients
There are a few things that make IFS such a good fit for trauma work, and van der Kolk captures them beautifully in the book.
1. It’s deeply compassionate
IFS helps people connect with their internal world in a way that feels kind and non-shaming. No part is bad. Every part is doing its best. That simple idea alone can be incredibly healing.
2. It brings structure to inner chaos
Many of my clients describe feeling overwhelmed, scattered, or like they’re battling themselves. IFS gives language and a clear process to begin making sense of those feelings—and to work with them gently and respectfully.
3. It protects the nervous system
Van der Kolk emphasizes that going too fast in trauma work can re-traumatize. IFS moves at the pace of safety. It teaches us to check in with protective parts before approaching the more wounded ones, which creates a sense of internal permission and calm.
4. It bridges beautifully with somatic work
I’ve always valued body-based practices like breathwork, yoga, and grounding techniques. What’s beautiful about IFS is how naturally it integrates with those practices. It encourages clients to notice sensations, slow down, and reconnect with their body—in ways that feel safe and empowering.
If you’re reading this because something feels stuck, overwhelming, or repetitive in your own life or relationship, you may find it helpful to start here:
→ Individual Therapy / Couples Therapy
How IFS Fits Into Van der Kolk’s Bigger Picture
The Body Keeps the Score doesn’t promote just one therapy—it presents a range of tools: EMDR, yoga, neurofeedback, movement, mindfulness, even theatre and psychedelics. What IFS offers, though, is a way to make sense of how our internal world is organized. It’s like the glue that helps other modalities stick.
For example, someone might use yoga to reconnect with their body, but then IFS helps them explore the part that feels terrified of being seen. Or EMDR might bring up a strong memory, and IFS helps negotiate with the parts that feel overwhelmed by it.
Van der Kolk doesn’t devote a whole chapter to IFS, but it’s clearly an approach he respects and integrates—and it’s certainly one I’ve leaned on again and again.
Final Thoughts: What IFS Taught Me About Healing
What this book—and IFS—have taught me is that healing from trauma is less about “getting over” the past and more about getting to know the parts of you that were shaped by it. It’s not a straight line. It’s a relationship. And IFS gives us a map for that journey.
If you’re curious about IFS, or if you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score and are wondering how to put some of those ideas into practice, I’d love to help. This is the work I do every day—with individuals and couples—and it’s deeply personal to me.
Because, like van der Kolk says, the body does keep the score—but it can also be the place where healing begins