the longest journey we can make in this life is from the head to the heart.

Alister Gates: Individual and couple's therapy

I work with individuals and couples to end their emotional suffering and create better lives for themselves, their family and their community. Free from the limiting beliefs, anxiety, depression and addictions that have been holding them back from their full expression.

Create better relationships

Couple's Therapist

Are you tired of carrying the weight of emotional pain on your shoulders, desperate to find a way out?

Relationship issues, anxiety, stress, depression and various other mental and emotional health issues affect millions of people around the world. It is important to know that you are not alone in your struggles. My mission is to create a safe space where you can find solace, gain knowledge, and connect with others who are navigating similar journeys.

Relationships: Nurturing healthy relationships can be challenging. We explore the complexities of connecting with others, offer guidance on effective communication, and provide insights into building stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Anxiety: Constant worry, racing thoughts, and the heavy weight of anxiety can be debilitating. We look for the Root Cause of your alarm and ways to manage your big feelings.

Stress: Modern life can be hectic and demanding, often leading to chronic stress. Discover techniques to reduce stress, establish healthy boundaries, and foster a more balanced lifestyle for long-term well-being.

Depression: Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and struggling to find joy in life? Together we explore various facets of depression, offering valuable coping strategies, and ensuring you never walk the path alone.

Self-esteem: Struggling with self-doubt and a negative self-image? Our therapy focuses on self-empowerment, self-acceptance, and cultivating a positive mindset to help you improve your self-esteem and embrace your unique worth.

Remember, you are not defined by the battles you face. Together, let's break the stigma surrounding mental health and embark on a journey towards growth, resilience, and greater well-being.

me today and take the first step towards a healthier mind and a brighter future.

You have a choice now. Keep suffering, or do something about it. I know you are used to feeling the pain, sucking it up - but you need to know, you don't have to anymore. 

I understand that life's challenges can feel like an unbearable weight upon your shoulders, dimming your spirit and clouding your path. But listen closely, because within the depths of your struggle lies a choice - a choice to continue enduring the pain alone or to embark on a path of courageous healing.

When the darkness becomes too much to bear, therapy can be your beacon of hope. It holds the key to transformation, unlocking a world of purpose, joy, and self-discovery. Through therapy, you will unlock the power to untangle the complexities of your emotions, unravel the roots of your suffering, and break free from the chains holding you down.

Rediscover Connection

In our journey together, you will find a safe and supportive space to explore your relationship challenges. Through compassionate guidance, you can rebuild trust, deepen intimacy, and rediscover the connection that brought you together.

Embrace Growth

Therapy is a path to personal and relational growth. Here, you'll uncover insights into your patterns and behaviors, fostering self-awareness and emotional resilience. Together, we will cultivate the tools you need to navigate life's complexities with confidence and clarity.

Find Harmony

Imagine a life where open communication and mutual understanding are at the heart of your relationships. In our sessions, you will learn to navigate conflicts constructively, strengthen your emotional bonds, and create a harmonious and fulfilling partnership.

Why is therapy important?
It's a safe place to re-establish trust and connection.

Life has a habit of sneaking up on you sometimes and causing havoc. Often, I find it is our unprocessed emotions that start knocking on the door and reminding us they are still there, that drive our behavior. It's time to open that door and welcome these parts in, we will meet them together and create a better life for you.

Alister Gates - Therapist

Book a free discovery session with me

Here are some of the ways we might work together.

Couples Therapy: Building Stronger Bonds

In couples therapy, we work together to strengthen the foundation of your relationship. Whether you're facing communication breakdowns, unresolved conflicts, or drifting apart, our sessions provide a safe space to address these challenges. Through effective techniques and compassionate guidance, you'll learn to understand each other more deeply, resolve differences constructively, and reignite the love and connection that first brought you together. Couples therapy is a journey towards a more harmonious and fulfilling partnership, where both partners feel heard, valued, and connected. Find out more >>


Some people think that depression means just being sad and its true, depressed people often are weepy or cry more frequently. Sometimes men, however, express depression as increased irritability and anger.


Are you feeling stressed out? Maybe you are constantly worrying, losing sleep, feeling tired? Do you have panic attacks or intrusive thoughts? Together we can look at the root cause 


Refers to a pattern of behavior where individuals, often men, adopt a passive-aggressive approach in their relationships, expecting kindness to be reciprocated with romantic or social validation. 


Many clients have this feeling of 'I am not good enough' and the idea of self compassion or deserving causes big problems. What do you have to do or be to make you good enough?


We all suffer trauma during our lives, hopefully most with a small 't', but sometimes with a big 'T'. Our trauma work helps to find completion to unprocessed emotions causing unwanted thoughts.


If your relationship is failing and you are feeling the pain then it's time to take action. Maybe your partner wants out, or you want out, whatever the case you need to figure out what you really want.

In New Zealand, where the rugged beauty of the land is matched by the stoic character of its people, mental health often remains a subject shrouded in silence, especially among men. Despite the progressive strides in mental health awareness, many Kiwi men find themselves grappling with the decision to seek

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This is what I have discovered... You can't outrun the pain.

And, if you can never outrun pain, you might as well turn and face it.

Scary I know, but I will walk with you as you face your shadow.

Book a free discovery session with me

Engaging in conversation with a person-centered therapist feels like entering a safe and non-judgmental space where your thoughts and emotions are genuinely heard and accepted. The therapist, guided by empathy and unconditional positive regard, helps you explore your feelings at your own pace, fostering a deep sense of understanding and self-discovery.

Tailored sessions designed uniquely for you. Working over a series of sessions, we take a deep dive into the challenges you are working with work out the results you are looking for. I specialise in removing the limiting beliefs you may hold and transforming your world view.

There is an expectation that you will put in the work. I can't change you, that is up to you. Just as any hero on an adventure, you will have to face the challenges along the way. I will be there as your guide.


Experience Healing with Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Discover the transformative power of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a compassionate and innovative approach to healing. IFS helps you understand and harmonize the different parts of yourself, allowing you to achieve greater self-awareness and emotional balance. Through this therapy, you can address deep-seated issues, heal past traumas, and foster a more integrated and resilient sense of self.

In IFS therapy, you will learn to connect with and heal your inner parts, leading to profound personal growth and improved relationships. This method empowers you to navigate life's challenges with confidence and clarity, fostering a deeper connection to yourself and those around you. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and emotional healing with Internal Family Systems therapy, and experience a renewed sense of inner peace and harmony.

Start Your Healing Journey

Embarking on the path to healing and personal growth is a transformative experience. Our three-step process is designed to make this journey accessible and inspiring. By reaching out for a consultation, beginning your therapy sessions with compassionate techniques like Internal Family Systems, and embracing the transformation that follows, you'll discover a more fulfilling and harmonious life. Take the first step today and unlock the potential for lasting change.

  1. 1
    Reach Out: The first step is simply reaching out. Schedule a consultation to discuss your needs and concerns. This initial conversation is a safe space to share your story and understand how therapy can support you.
  2. 2
    Begin Your Journey: In our sessions, we'll explore your challenges and goals together. Using compassionate techniques like Internal Family Systems therapy, we'll work towards understanding and healing the different parts of yourself.
  3. 3
    Transform Your Life: As you continue with therapy, you'll gain valuable insights and tools to navigate your relationships and life with greater confidence and clarity. Experience the transformation as you build a more fulfilling and harmonious life.

What Clients Say

Working with Alister has been a breath of fresh air, as he was able to provide the insight, knowledge and experience of someone who has been working on himself for some time and is intimately aware of the challenges and hurdles that come to us as men. I originally got in touch with Alister from reading Robert Glovers book 'no more mr nice guy' to help with assertiveness in relationships. I recently got this message from a lady I took out for a date "Just wanted to to say thankyou for the date, your decisiveness & take charge presence was so sexy!" , so his advice definitely works! But we've also gone on to explore other life areas as well such as career and life direction. I view Alister as a very valuable part of my ongoing personal development.

Luke  Melbourne 

I did a 6-week program with Alister and it was an enlightening experience. I have always struggled with relating to men but he made me feel safe to open myself. He helped me understand more about myself and my nice guy tendencies with challenging questions. He also offered valuable insight and recommended homework actions that helped me find back my true self. I used to think that I can do it all by myself, but having him as a coach was a game changer. I am grateful that I decided to start my nice guy recovery journey with Alister. If you are starting your journey of recovering from Nice Guy syndrome and need a male coach to guide you and hold you accountable, I would recommend Alister.

Ryan Auckland

Alister has been a wonderful North Star in my life recently. I reached out to him initially in the wake of a lot of friction with my wife. Alister helped me to understand and be more conscious of my nice guy leaning behaviours, and to identify and work though historical and current events that had been feeding into my nice guy mode of being. Alister has been ever supportive, non-judgmental and practical in sharing a range of tools and resources. Always more to be done, but Alister has shone a bright spotlight on my nice guy traits and lifted a weight from my shoulders. My relationship with my wife is back on track and I am seeing improvements in other family and work relationships also. Highly recommend engaging with Alister.

Jason South Island

About Alister Gates


Finding your way through life's challenges can be tough. I understand the struggles you may be facing and I am here to offer you support and guidance every step of the way.

I believe that everyone deserves to live a fulfilling and happy life. As an experienced and compassionate
therapist, I am dedicated to helping you overcome obstacles, find clarity, and achieve personal growth.

Whether you are struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, self-esteem, or any other personal difficulty, our therapy sessions are tailored to your unique needs. We provide a safe and welcoming space where you can share your concerns openly and without judgment.

Therapy is not about providing quick fixes, but about collaborating with you to explore the root causes of your struggles. Through deep understanding and evidence-based techniques, I work with you to develop effective coping strategies, improve communication, build resilience, and foster personal growth.

I believe in the power of the therapeutic relationship and the benefits it can bring. My goal is to create a therapeutic alliance built on trust, empathy, and a genuine understanding of your unique experiences. I strive to create a supportive environment where you feel heard, validated, and supported on your journey towards healing and self-discovery.

Don't let your struggles define you. Take the courageous step of seeking help and let me guide you towards a happier and more fulfilling life. I am here to support you every step of the way.

Contact me today for an initial consultation and together let's embark on a path towards a brighter future.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl

You have a couple of choices now...

You can continue to live the way you have been living. Aware you aren't living the life you dreamt about, but perhaps not feeling the pain enough to change. Or you could make the first steps today in finding your own authentic integrated masculine and designing the life you always imagined you could have. It starts with a phone call... talk to you soon.

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