the longest journey we can make in this life is from the head to the heart.
I work with individuals and couples to end their emotional suffering and create better lives for themselves, their family and their community. Free from the limiting beliefs, anxiety, depression and addictions that have been holding them back from their full expression.
Individual and couple therapy
Root Cause Therapy
Create better relationships
Overcome your challenges
Are you tired of carrying the weight of emotional pain on your shoulders, desperate to find a way out?
Depression, anxiety, stress, and various other mental and emotional health issues affect millions of people around the world. It is important to know that you are not alone in your struggles. My mission is to create a safe space where you can find solace, gain knowledge, and connect with others who are navigating similar journeys.
Depression: Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and struggling to find joy in life? Together we explore various facets of depression, offering valuable coping strategies, and ensuring you never walk the path alone.
Anxiety: Constant worry, racing thoughts, and the heavy weight of anxiety can be debilitating. We look for the Root Cause of your alarm and ways to manage your big feelings.
Stress: Modern life can be hectic and demanding, often leading to chronic stress. Discover techniques to reduce stress, establish healthy boundaries, and foster a more balanced lifestyle for long-term well-being.
Relationships: Nurturing healthy relationships can be challenging. We explore the complexities of connecting with others, offer guidance on effective communication, and provide insights into building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Self-esteem: Struggling with self-doubt and a negative self-image? Our therapy focuses on self-empowerment, self-acceptance, and cultivating a positive mindset to help you improve your self-esteem and embrace your unique worth.
Remember, you are not defined by the battles you face. Together, let's break the stigma surrounding mental health and embark on a journey towards growth, resilience, and greater well-being.
Contact me today and take the first step towards a healthier mind and a brighter future.
You have a choice now. Keep suffering, or do something about it. I know you are used to feeling the pain, sucking it up - but you need to know, you don't have to anymore.
I understand that life's challenges can feel like an unbearable weight upon your shoulders, dimming your spirit and clouding your path. But listen closely, because within the depths of your struggle lies a choice - a choice to continue enduring the pain alone or to embark on a path of courageous healing.
When the darkness becomes too much to bear, therapy can be your beacon of hope. It holds the key to transformation, unlocking a world of purpose, joy, and self-discovery. Through therapy, you will unlock the power to untangle the complexities of your emotions, unravel the roots of your suffering, and break free from the chains holding you down.
You aren't broken
You may feel broken, but you aren't broken. This is probably hard to get right now, but actually have all the answers within you. You just need a bit a guidance right now.
Root Cause Therapy is a combination of talk therapy and trauma healing which works on all levels of consciousness; mental, emotional, physical and spiritual to get to the root cause and heal the pain from people’s past or perceived future that may be presently still affecting them today.
You can't keep doing life the same way. You know it, your partner knows it, your friends probably know it. My question to you is... 'what do you want?'
Life has a habit of sneaking up on you sometimes and causing havoc. Often, I find it is our unprocessed emotions that start knocking on the door and reminding us they are still there, that drive our behavior. It's time to open that door and welcome these parts in, we will meet them together and create a better life for you.
Alister Gates - Therapist
Book a free discovery session with me
Here are some of the ways we might work together.
Welcome to a transformative journey towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships. My couple therapy services are designed to provide a supportive and confidential space where partners can explore, understand, and strengthen their connection. As an experienced psychologist, I specialize in guiding couples through challenges, fostering effective communication, and helping them navigate the complexities of intimacy. Whether you're facing communication breakdowns, trust issues, or simply seeking to enhance your bond, my evidence-based approaches empower couples to build resilience and create lasting positive change. Discover the tools to deepen emotional intimacy, resolve conflicts, and reignite the spark in your relationship. Take the first step towards a more harmonious partnership by exploring my couple therapy services – where understanding, growth, and healing begin.
Some people think that depression means just being sad and its true, depressed people often are weepy or cry more frequently. Sometimes men, however, express depression as increased irritability and anger.
Are you feeling stressed out? Maybe you are constantly worrying, losing sleep, feeling tired? Do you have panic attacks or intrusive thoughts? Together we can look at the root cause
NICE GUY AND NICE GIRL SYNDROME
Refers to a pattern of behavior where individuals, often men, adopt a passive-aggressive approach in their relationships, expecting kindness to be reciprocated with romantic or social validation.
Many clients have this feeling of 'I am not good enough' and the idea of self compassion or deserving causes big problems. What do you have to do or be to make you good enough?
TRAUMA AND SEXUAL ABUSE
We all suffer trauma during our lives, hopefully most with a small 't', but sometimes with a big 'T'. Our trauma work helps to find completion to unprocessed emotions causing unwanted thoughts.
If you have experienced a loss in your life and the effects are still sitting heavy with you know it is perfectly normal. There are stages to grief and everyone processes these emotions differently and in a different order.
This is what I have discovered... You can't outrun the pain.
And, if you can never outrun pain, you might as well turn and face it.
Scary I know, but I will walk with you as you face your shadow.
Book a free discovery session with me
Engaging in conversation with a person-centered therapist feels like entering a safe and non-judgmental space where your thoughts and emotions are genuinely heard and accepted. The therapist, guided by empathy and unconditional positive regard, helps you explore your feelings at your own pace, fostering a deep sense of understanding and self-discovery.
one-on-one Therapy and coaching
Tailored sessions designed uniquely for you. Working over a series of sessions, we take a deep dive into the challenges you are working with work out the results you are looking for. I specialise in removing the limiting beliefs you may hold and transforming your world view. There is an expectation that you will put in the work. I can't change you, that is up to you. Just as any hero on an adventure, you will have to face the challenges along the way. I will be there as your guide.
SAFE. CONFIDENTIAL. PRIVATE
Click on the button below for more information on therapy.
Starting your recovery is a 3-step process - your hero's journey
If you are ready to overcome the areas in your life that are holding you back, then lets get started. This is a journey into you authentic self. Authentic's root word is author - that's you - in charge of your quest.
- VICTIM - Leave your known world and all the things that aren't serving you and with courage, jump into the unknown. Start by arranging a free discovery session with me.
- 2CREATOR - Schedule regular sessions at a mutually agreeable time and start your journey to knowing yourself, releasing limiting beliefs and building stronger relationships. There may be dragons on the way! Ill be your guide and support you to get up when you need it.
- HERO - Return to the world with all the gifts of who you are. Put into action your life's purpose. Join one of our men's groups for fortnightly support with other men and live an authentic life of integrity and passion.
What Clients Say
Working with Alister has been a breath of fresh air, as he was able to provide the insight, knowledge and experience of someone who has been working on himself for some time and is intimately aware of the challenges and hurdles that come to us as men. I originally got in touch with Alister from reading Robert Glovers book 'no more mr nice guy' to help with assertiveness in relationships. I recently got this message from a lady I took out for a date "Just wanted to to say thankyou for the date, your decisiveness & take charge presence was so sexy!" , so his advice definitely works! But we've also gone on to explore other life areas as well such as career and life direction. I view Alister as a very valuable part of my ongoing personal development.
Luke ● Melbourne
I did a 6-week program with Alister and it was an enlightening experience. I have always struggled with relating to men but he made me feel safe to open myself. He helped me understand more about myself and my nice guy tendencies with challenging questions. He also offered valuable insight and recommended homework actions that helped me find back my true self. I used to think that I can do it all by myself, but having him as a coach was a game changer. I am grateful that I decided to start my nice guy recovery journey with Alister. If you are starting your journey of recovering from Nice Guy syndrome and need a male coach to guide you and hold you accountable, I would recommend Alister.
Ryan ● Auckland
Alister has been a wonderful North Star in my life recently. I reached out to him initially in the wake of a lot of friction with my wife. Alister helped me to understand and be more conscious of my nice guy leaning behaviours, and to identify and work though historical and current events that had been feeding into my nice guy mode of being. Alister has been ever supportive, non-judgmental and practical in sharing a range of tools and resources. Always more to be done, but Alister has shone a bright spotlight on my nice guy traits and lifted a weight from my shoulders. My relationship with my wife is back on track and I am seeing improvements in other family and work relationships also. Highly recommend engaging with Alister.
Jason ● South Island
You have a couple of choices now...
You can continue to live the way you have been living. Aware you aren't living the life you dreamt about, but perhaps not feeling the pain enough to change. Or you could make the first steps today in finding your own authentic integrated masculine and designing the life you always imagined you could have. It starts with a phone call... talk to you soon.