Hi, I'm Alister

I didn’t come into this work straight out of university.

I came to it after 30 years in business, leadership, risk, success, failure, marriage, divorce, remarriage, parenting, and rebuilding.

And that matters.

Because most of the people I work with aren’t starting from zero.

They’re capable. Intelligent. Accomplished. Often high-functioning.

But something isn’t working.

An Expat From The Beginning

I grew up in the Pacific — Samoa, Fiji, Tonga — as part of the diplomatic community. My father was a diplomat, which meant movement, adaptation, cultural shifts, and learning early how to read a room.

Later, I spent four years living in Japan in my twenties.

If you’ve lived internationally, you’ll understand this:

You become adaptable. Observant. Independent.

But you can also become slightly untethered.

You learn how to fit in anywhere — sometimes at the cost of fully knowing where you belong.

Many of the professionals and couples I work with across Europe, the UK, the Middle East and the US carry this quiet complexity. Outwardly successful. Internally navigating identity, pressure, or relationship strain.

I understand that terrain personally.

Business, Leadership & The “Nice Guy” Pattern

At 25, I bought my first business — a computer shop. That led to 15 years in IT, patenting and selling software internationally. After that, I spent years involved in ventures focused on natural products, marketing and product development.

From 25 to my mid-50s, I lived in the world of business.

I know what pressure feels like.
I know what responsibility feels like.
I know what it’s like to employ people, make payroll, take risks, and carry stress quietly.

And I also know how easy it is — especially for capable men — to build external success while avoiding internal conflict.

I’ve worked deeply with what’s often called the “Nice Guy” pattern — in myself and in the men I support.

The over-functioning.
The conflict avoidance.
The people-pleasing.
The quiet resentment.
The drive to be good rather than honest.

This isn’t about weakness.

It’s about adaptation.

And many high-performing professionals have adapted in ways that helped them succeed — but cost them intimacy, clarity, or self-trust.

Why I Retrained As A Counsellor

There wasn’t a dramatic breakdown.

There was a slow realisation.

After decades in business, I noticed something consistent: what interested me most wasn’t the product.

It was the person.

The conversations behind the scenes.
The leadership struggles.
The relationship strain.
The quiet anxiety masked by competence.

I’d been involved with the Mankind Project since 2005 — running men’s circles, coaching, and facilitating transformational weekends. I had already seen what happens when men drop the performance and speak honestly.

Eventually the pull became clear.

This wasn’t a side interest.

It was a calling.

So I retrained formally as a counsellor.

Not to abandon business — but to bring everything I’d learned about leadership, psychology, identity and responsibility into deeper, more meaningful work.

Who I Work With

Today, I work predominantly online with:

• Business owners and professionals
• Internationally mobile individuals
• Expats living in Europe or the Middle East
• Couples under stress
• High-achieving men navigating Nice Guy patterns
• Women partnered with emotionally guarded or conflict-avoidant men

Many of my clients look successful on paper.

But internally they may be:

• Anxious
• Disconnected
• Avoiding conflict
• Over-responsible
• Burnt out
• Lonely inside their relationship
• Struggling with intimacy
• Questioning who they are becoming

They don’t need hype.
They don’t need life hacks.

They need depth, clarity and someone who understands pressure from the inside.

Couples Work

I have been married, divorced, and married again. I’m part of a blended family and a father of three — two adults and one nearly-teenager.

I understand that relationships are not theoretical.

They are messy. Emotional. Layered.

Especially when careers, relocations, cultural differences, parenting and past hurts intersect.

In couples work, I focus on:

• Reducing reactive cycles
• Restoring emotional safety
• Clarifying unspoken resentment
• Helping partners speak honestly without escalating
• Rebuilding intimacy

Not through blame.

Through responsibility and emotional maturity.

How I Work

My approach combines:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Attachment-informed therapy
• Direct coaching
• Practical behavioural change
• Real conversation

Sessions are thoughtful, grounded and experiential.

We don’t just analyse your story.

We work with what’s happening inside you — in real time.

Because insight without integration doesn’t create change.

A Bit More Human

On weekends, you’ll often find me working with horses, walking in forests or mountains, or spending time with my family.

Nature grounds me.
Animals humble me.
Family keeps me honest.

If You’re Considering Working With Me

You may be someone who:

• Has built a career but feels internally conflicted
• Is navigating expat life and identity
• Feels stuck in recurring relationship patterns
• Is successful but privately anxious
• Is “nice” but resentful
• Wants to lead their life more consciously

I don’t see broken people.

I see intelligent adaptations that once made sense — and now need updating.

If that resonates, we can begin with a 20-minute clarity call.

No performance required.
Just an honest conversation about what’s happening — and what needs to shift.

Because at this stage of life, most people aren’t looking for reinvention.

They’re looking for alignment.

A few more things about me...