if the sh*t is hitting the fan in your life AND YOU WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT - you are in the right place


I work with men (and their partners) to create better lives for themselves, their family and their community. Free from the limiting beliefs, anxiety, depression and addictions that have been holding them back from their full masculine expression.

Root Cause Therapy

Create better relationships

Overcome your challenges

I am guessing that one of these things is going on for you?

See if any of these fit for you and here's a clue, you may not be thinking them about yourself, but someone may have said this to you.

  • My relationship is rocky and I don't know where I stand. Sometimes I am in, then out or I just don't know where my partner is at. We fight a lot.
  • You may be feeling anxious or lost or maybe just unmotivated for life
  • You may be smart enough to know you are depressed, regretting where you are in life
  • Are you over being a Nice Guy?
  • How's your confidence, are you showing up as you would like?
  • Feeling the pressure of life to perform, provide and be perfect
  • Maybe you just know you want more from your significant relationships, but don't know where to begin
  • Totally over the voices in your head that self sabotage, tell you that you aren't good enough - that's shame speaking
  • Addicted to something, drinking, drugs, porn, exercise, sex. What ever it is, you know you need to stop it. It's the mistress in your relationship.

Screw positive thinking and affirmations, this therapy is about getting to the root cause of your issues and addressing your limiting beliefs.

There is no magic pills and while change can happen quickly, it won't happen in 1, one hour session. If you are ready to put in the work, dig deeper and look at those areas, those parts that holding you back, you will make significant progress in getting your life back.

You aren't broken

You may feel broken, but you aren't broken. This is probably hard to get right now, but actually have all the answers within you. You just need a bit a guidance right now.

Tools you can work use

Men need tools they can work with. Practical stuff that can be understood and actioned. That is what you will get in our time together. 

Result focused

You can't keep doing life the same way. You know it, your partner knows it, your friends probably know it. My question to you is... 'what do you want?'

Life has a habit of sneaking up on you sometimes and causing havoc. Often, I find it is our unprocessed emotions that start knocking on the door and reminding us they are still there, that drive our behavior. It's time to open that door and welcome these parts in, we will meet them together and create a better life for you.

Alister Gates - Therapist

Book a free discovery session with me

Here are some of the ways we might work together.

Nice Guy Syndrome, this is one of my specialties. Learn to deal with the part of you that is a people pleaser. If it hasn't ended your relationship yet, it probably will.  


Some people think that depression means just being sad and its true, depressed people often are weepy or cry more frequently. Sometimes men, however, express depression as increased irritability and anger.


Are you feeling stressed out? Maybe you are constantly worrying, losing sleep, feeling tired? Do you have panic attacks or intrusive thoughts? Together we can look at the root cause 


If you are feeling a loss of connection with your partner, fighting often, find yourself criticizing or been criticized or just not happy, you aren't alone. The events of the last few years has created enormous stress on relationships and with the right guidance there is hope.


Many clients have this feeling of 'I am not good enough' and the idea of self compassion or deserving causes big problems. What do you have to do or be to make you good enough?


We all suffer trauma during our lives, hopefully most with a small 't', but sometimes with a big 'T'. Our trauma work helps to find completion to unprocessed emotions causing unwanted thoughts.


If you have experienced a loss in your life and the effects are still sitting heavy with you know it is perfectly normal. There are stages to grief and everyone processes these emotions differently and in a different order.

You can't outrun the pain.

If you can never outrun pain, you might as well turn and face it.

Like the man you are.

Like the man you'll become once you do.

Traver Boehm - Man UNcivilized 

Book a free discovery session with me

Therapy with me isn't about sitting down with a cup of tea talking about your feelings

I provide a space that allows you to explore what it's like to be uniquely male. A safe container, non-judgmental, confidential and where you feel gotten. 

one-on-one Therapy and coaching

Tailored sessions designed uniquely for you. Working over a series of sessions, we take a deep dive into the challenges you are working with work out the results you are looking for. I specialise in removing the limiting beliefs you may hold and transforming your world view. There is an expectation that you will put in the work. I can't change you, that is up to you. Just as any hero on an adventure, you will have to face the challenges along the way. I will be there as your guide.


Click on the button below for more information on therapy.

Online men's group

One of the most important ways to recover is spending time with other authentic men. Men who are able to hold accountability, share vulnerability and be real.

Our fortnightly virtual men's group is also supported by a private chat group and group coaching sessions.

Cost only $65/month. Click on the button for more information.

High impact - transformative weekend workshop

Our weekend workshops create a rapid, deep immersion into a man's psyche and the shadows that drive us. Working together we travel a hero's journey into the workings of the authentic masculine - showing up in the world as the man you want to be and what your partner is crying out for.

Click below for further information. 

Starting your recovery is a 3-step process - your hero's journey

If you are ready to overcome the areas in your life that are holding you back, then lets get started. This is a journey into you authentic self. Authentic's root word is author - that's you - in charge of your quest.

  1. 1
    VICTIM - Leave your known world and all the things that aren't serving you and with courage, jump into the unknown. Start by arranging a free discovery session with me.
  2. 2
    CREATOR - Schedule regular sessions at a mutually agreeable time and start your journey to knowing yourself, releasing limiting beliefs and building stronger relationships. There may be dragons on the way! Ill be your guide and support you to get up when you need it.
  3. 3
    HERO - Return to the world with all the gifts of who you are. Put into action your life's purpose. Join one of our men's groups for fortnightly support with other men and live an authentic life of integrity and passion.

What Clients Say

Working with Alister has been a breath of fresh air, as he was able to provide the insight, knowledge and experience of someone who has been working on himself for some time and is intimately aware of the challenges and hurdles that come to us as men. I originally got in touch with Alister from reading Robert Glovers book 'no more mr nice guy' to help with assertiveness in relationships. I recently got this message from a lady I took out for a date "Just wanted to to say thankyou for the date, your decisiveness & take charge presence was so sexy!" , so his advice definitely works! But we've also gone on to explore other life areas as well such as career and life direction. I view Alister as a very valuable part of my ongoing personal development.

Luke  Melbourne 

I did a 6-week program with Alister and it was an enlightening experience. I have always struggled with relating to men but he made me feel safe to open myself. He helped me understand more about myself and my nice guy tendencies with challenging questions. He also offered valuable insight and recommended homework actions that helped me find back my true self. I used to think that I can do it all by myself, but having him as a coach was a game changer. I am grateful that I decided to start my nice guy recovery journey with Alister. If you are starting your journey of recovering from Nice Guy syndrome and need a male coach to guide you and hold you accountable, I would recommend Alister.

Ryan Auckland

Alister has been a wonderful North Star in my life recently. I reached out to him initially in the wake of a lot of friction with my wife. Alister helped me to understand and be more conscious of my nice guy leaning behaviours, and to identify and work though historical and current events that had been feeding into my nice guy mode of being. Alister has been ever supportive, non-judgmental and practical in sharing a range of tools and resources. Always more to be done, but Alister has shone a bright spotlight on my nice guy traits and lifted a weight from my shoulders. My relationship with my wife is back on track and I am seeing improvements in other family and work relationships also. Highly recommend engaging with Alister.

Jason South Island

About Alister


Every decent story you have ever read or seen has a hero, a villain, a victim and a guide. Each of us have them within us and I travel across all of these every day. With you, I am here to be your guide, your Yoda in helping you on your quest. 

My nice guy recovery started 16 years (I didn't know it at the time) when I went on a men's only, intensive weekend workshop and met a group of men, fully prepared to talk about the feelings, their vulnerability and their life's purpose. It was a game changer. I have been honored to sit in hundreds of men's circles since then, learning what it is like to be working with the the authentic masculine. I have personally witnessed the hero's journey of hundreds of men and the profound effect it has on their lives.

In 2020 I read Dr Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy book. I could not believe that this man, on the other side of the world knew so much about what I was dealing with! It was uncanny. I wanted to fix myself overnight of this terrible affliction that was driving me. It felt painful, depressing sometimes, anxious others. Damn if there wasn't a pill to fix it. So, I learnt it doesn't happen overnight. Years to undo the mayhem that was caused in my family of origin when I was younger. Through this journey however, I did discover I had a gift in helping other men. At the age of 55 I pivoted from my successful sales and marketing career and am currently studying in Auckland to be a counsellor, working with men, giving back. 

I am looking forward to working with you, to finding your deep innate integrated masculine.

More about me >>

If you are ready to become the hero and transform  your life, then lets talk soon. Let's find your purpose and get curious about your next adventure - the life you start from today.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl

You have a couple of choices now...

You can continue to live the way you have been living. Aware you aren't living the life you dreamt about, but perhaps not feeling the pain enough to change. Or you could make the first steps today in finding your own authentic integrated masculine and designing the life you always imagined you could have. It starts with a phone call... talk to you soon.

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