men,if you are in emotional pain - and you can't talk to your partner or friends - you have arrived in a safe place

I work with men (and their partners) to end their emotional suffering and create better lives for themselves, their family and their community. Free from the limiting beliefs, anxiety, depression and addictions that have been holding them back from their full masculine expression.

Root Cause Therapy

Create better relationships

Overcome your challenges

Here are the challenges facing the men I am seeing at the moment, are any of these relevant to you?

  • Societal expectations of masculinity: Men often face pressure to conform to traditional gender roles and societal expectations, which can limit their emotional expression and vulnerability.
  • Emotional stoicism: Men are often encouraged to suppress or downplay their emotions, leading to difficulties in effectively recognising, understanding, and expressing their feelings.
  • Limited emotional support networks: Men may encounter challenges in accessing and building strong emotional support networks, as societal norms may discourage open discussions about emotional well-being.
  • Fear of vulnerability: Due to cultural norms and expectations, some men may struggle with being vulnerable and sharing their inner struggles, fearing judgment or loss of social status.
  • Relationship difficulties: Men may encounter challenges in forming and maintaining intimate relationships due to difficulties in communicating emotions, expressing vulnerability, and navigating emotional conflicts.
  • Mental health stigma: Societal stigma around mental health issues can prevent men from seeking help and support for emotional challenges, leading to potential long-term consequences for their well-being.
  • Unresolved childhood trauma: Men may face emotional challenges resulting from unaddressed childhood trauma, which can manifest in various ways and impact their emotional well-being in adulthood.
  • Work-related stress and pressure: Men may face significant stress and pressure in their professional lives, which can affect their emotional well-being and lead to difficulties in maintaining work-life balance.
  • Identity and self-esteem issues: Men may grapple with societal expectations around success, physical appearance, and masculinity, leading to identity and self-esteem challenges that impact their emotional well-being.
  • Difficulty in seeking help: Men may find it challenging to seek help for their emotional challenges due to the fear of being perceived as weak or lacking control, which can delay or prevent necessary support and intervention.

You have a choice now. Keep suffering, or do something about it. I know you are used to feeling the pain, sucking it up - but you need to know, you don't have to anymore. 

Discover the incredible value of a therapy tailored specifically for you! Unlock your full potential and experience transformative personal growth with the power of root cause therapy. As a therapist, I have the knowledge and tools to guide you on a journey of self-exploration, helping you break free from your limiting beliefs and unleash your true potential. Through working with me, you'll gain valuable insights, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself. Imagine the freedom of letting go of emotional burdens, overcoming challenges, and building strong foundations for a fulfilling life. It's time - let's start with a free, no-obligation 30-minute online call.

You aren't broken

You may feel broken, but you aren't broken. This is probably hard to get right now, but actually have all the answers within you. You just need a bit a guidance right now.

Tools you can work use

Men need tools they can work with. Practical stuff that can be understood and actioned. That is what you will get in our time together. 

Result focused

You can't keep doing life the same way. You know it, your partner knows it, your friends probably know it. My question to you is... 'what do you want?'

Life has a habit of sneaking up on you sometimes and causing havoc. Often, I find it is our unprocessed emotions that start knocking on the door and reminding us they are still there, that drive our behavior. It's time to open that door and welcome these parts in, we will meet them together and create a better life for you.

Alister Gates - Therapist

Book a free discovery session with me


Here are some of the ways we might work together.

Nice Guy Syndrome, this is one of my specialties. Learn to deal with the part of you that is a people pleaser. If it hasn't ended your relationship yet, it probably will.  

I am a certified No More Mr Nice Guy Coach - through Dr Robert Glover - author of No More Mr Nice Guy

DEPRESSION THERAPY

Some people think that depression means just being sad and its true, depressed people often are weepy or cry more frequently. Sometimes men, however, express depression as increased irritability and anger.

ANXIETY THERAPY

Are you feeling stressed out? Maybe you are constantly worrying, losing sleep, feeling tired? Do you have panic attacks or intrusive thoughts? Together we can look at the root cause 

RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

If you are feeling a loss of connection with your partner, fighting often, find yourself criticizing or been criticized or just not happy, you aren't alone. The events of the last few years has created enormous stress on relationships and with the right guidance there is hope.

SELF CONFIDENCE

Many clients have this feeling of 'I am not good enough' and the idea of self compassion or deserving causes big problems. What do you have to do or be to make you good enough?

TRAUMA AND SEXUAL ABUSE

We all suffer trauma during our lives, hopefully most with a small 't', but sometimes with a big 'T'. Our trauma work helps to find completion to unprocessed emotions causing unwanted thoughts.

GRIEF

If you have experienced a loss in your life and the effects are still sitting heavy with you know it is perfectly normal. There are stages to grief and everyone processes these emotions differently and in a different order.

You can't outrun the pain.

If you can never outrun pain, you might as well turn and face it.

Like the man you are.

Like the man you'll become once you do.

Traver Boehm - Man UNcivilized 

Book a free discovery session with me


Therapy with me isn't about sitting down with a cup of tea talking about your feelings

I provide a space that allows you to explore what it's like to be uniquely male. A safe container, non-judgmental, confidential and where you feel gotten. 

one-on-one Therapy and coaching

Tailored sessions designed uniquely for you. Working over a series of sessions, we take a deep dive into the challenges you are working with work out the results you are looking for. I specialise in removing the limiting beliefs you may hold and transforming your world view. There is an expectation that you will put in the work. I can't change you, that is up to you. Just as any hero on an adventure, you will have to face the challenges along the way. I will be there as your guide.

SAFE. CONFIDENTIAL. PRIVATE

Click on the button below for more information on therapy.

Online men's group

One of the most important ways to recover is spending time with other authentic men. Men who are able to hold accountability, share vulnerability and be real.

Our fortnightly virtual men's group is also supported by a private chat group and group coaching sessions.

Cost only $65/month. Click on the button for more information.

High impact - transformative weekend workshop

Our weekend workshops create a rapid, deep immersion into a man's psyche and the shadows that drive us. Working together we travel a hero's journey into the workings of the authentic masculine - showing up in the world as the man you want to be and what your partner is crying out for.

Click below for further information. 

Starting your recovery is a 3-step process - your hero's journey

If you are ready to overcome the areas in your life that are holding you back, then lets get started. This is a journey into you authentic self. Authentic's root word is author - that's you - in charge of your quest.

  1. 1
    VICTIM - Leave your known world and all the things that aren't serving you and with courage, jump into the unknown. Start by arranging a free discovery session with me.
  2. 2
    CREATOR - Schedule regular sessions at a mutually agreeable time and start your journey to knowing yourself, releasing limiting beliefs and building stronger relationships. There may be dragons on the way! Ill be your guide and support you to get up when you need it.
  3. 3
    HERO - Return to the world with all the gifts of who you are. Put into action your life's purpose. Join one of our men's groups for fortnightly support with other men and live an authentic life of integrity and passion.

What Clients Say

Working with Alister has been a breath of fresh air, as he was able to provide the insight, knowledge and experience of someone who has been working on himself for some time and is intimately aware of the challenges and hurdles that come to us as men. I originally got in touch with Alister from reading Robert Glovers book 'no more mr nice guy' to help with assertiveness in relationships. I recently got this message from a lady I took out for a date "Just wanted to to say thankyou for the date, your decisiveness & take charge presence was so sexy!" , so his advice definitely works! But we've also gone on to explore other life areas as well such as career and life direction. I view Alister as a very valuable part of my ongoing personal development.

Luke  Melbourne 

I did a 6-week program with Alister and it was an enlightening experience. I have always struggled with relating to men but he made me feel safe to open myself. He helped me understand more about myself and my nice guy tendencies with challenging questions. He also offered valuable insight and recommended homework actions that helped me find back my true self. I used to think that I can do it all by myself, but having him as a coach was a game changer. I am grateful that I decided to start my nice guy recovery journey with Alister. If you are starting your journey of recovering from Nice Guy syndrome and need a male coach to guide you and hold you accountable, I would recommend Alister.

Ryan Auckland

Alister has been a wonderful North Star in my life recently. I reached out to him initially in the wake of a lot of friction with my wife. Alister helped me to understand and be more conscious of my nice guy leaning behaviours, and to identify and work though historical and current events that had been feeding into my nice guy mode of being. Alister has been ever supportive, non-judgmental and practical in sharing a range of tools and resources. Always more to be done, but Alister has shone a bright spotlight on my nice guy traits and lifted a weight from my shoulders. My relationship with my wife is back on track and I am seeing improvements in other family and work relationships also. Highly recommend engaging with Alister.

Jason South Island

About Alister

CERTIFIED ROOT CAUSE THERAPIST

Every legendary story has four main characters: a hero, a villain, a victim, and a guide. Today, I am here to be that guide as you embark on your own journey.

My nice guy recovery began in 2005 when I attended an all-male weekend leadership retreat. That's when I learned about the power of authentic masculinity and vulnerability. Since then, I have been honored to join hundreds of circles of brave men who are striving to find healing and purpose.

In 2020, I read Dr Glover’s book No More Mr Nice Guy – it was uncanny how he understood what kind of pain so many people have gone through! Unfortunately, there is no easy cure for this affliction; only gradual healing over time. This journey led me to discover that my passion is in helping other men find their true selves. At the age of fifty-five, I left my successful sales and marketing career to pursue counseling studies in Auckland so that I can give back to those in need.

I am looking forward to working with you and discovering your inner strength and wisdom.

More about me >>

If you are ready to become the hero and transform  your life, then lets talk soon. Let's find your purpose and get curious about your next adventure - the life you start from today.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl

You have a couple of choices now...

You can continue to live the way you have been living. Aware you aren't living the life you dreamt about, but perhaps not feeling the pain enough to change. Or you could make the first steps today in finding your own authentic integrated masculine and designing the life you always imagined you could have. It starts with a phone call... talk to you soon.

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