January 5, 2024

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a highly effective approach to addressing various psychological challenges, including the tendency to be a “people pleaser.” As a therapist, I can guide you through the process of using IFS to understand and transform the “people pleaser” part of yourself. In this article, we will explore how IFS can be a valuable tool in helping you reclaim your sense of self and establish healthier patterns of behaviour.

Identifying the “People Pleaser” Part

The first step in using IFS therapy to address people pleasing is to identify the “people pleaser” part within you. We will work together to acknowledge and give a name to this part of your inner self, which can help separate it from your core identity.

Developing Self-Awareness

To initiate change, we must delve into the emotions, thoughts, and beliefs linked to the “people pleaser” part. We will explore what triggers this part, what it fears, and how it seeks to protect you. Through introspection and dialogue, you will gain a deeper understanding of the role this part plays in your life.

Connecting with Your Core Self

IFS places a strong emphasis on connecting with your core self—the true and healthy essence of who you are. Your core self is characterized by qualities such as calmness, confidence, and compassion. In our sessions, we will use mindfulness and relaxation techniques to help you establish a connection with your core self.

Establishing a Dialogue

An integral aspect of IFS therapy is creating an internal dialogue between your different parts. We will use guided meditation or journaling to facilitate this dialogue. Questions like “Why do you feel the need to please others?” and “What are you afraid of?” will be asked to both the “people pleaser” part and your core self. Listening to their responses will be a crucial part of our work together.

Compassion and Healing

Your core self will play a pivotal role in offering understanding, compassion, and support to the “people pleaser” part. The aim is not to eliminate this part but to transform it into a more balanced and adaptive aspect of yourself. Through our sessions, you will learn to heal the wounds that may have contributed to the development of the “people pleaser” behaviour.

Finding Balance and Integration

Balancing the “people pleaser” part with your core self is our ultimate goal. Together, we will work on setting healthy boundaries, learning to say no when necessary, and finding alternative ways to meet our own needs while still caring for others.

Seeking Professional Help

Throughout this journey, it’s essential to remember that IFS is a complex and nuanced therapy approach. As your therapist, I will provide guidance, support, and a safe space for exploration. If needed, we can also address any underlying issues that may be contributing to the “people pleaser” pattern.

In summary, Internal Family Systems therapy offers a transformative approach to overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. You can reclaim your sense of self and establish healthier relationships and boundaries by identifying, understanding, and integrating your “people pleaser” part with your core self. If you’re ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing, consider contacting me and I can guide you through the process.

Does any of this resonate with you? 

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